I’d like to thank each and every one of my readers, both effusive and silent and I wish you all the very, very best.

It’s been a lovely slice!

Zura xxo

So for the first time in I don’t know how long, I am up to… nothing. Truly. There is no acting, no dancing, no yoga teaching, no catering, no combat theatre, no web design and even no day job. I was burning the candle at seven ends and it was only until my health started sending me red flags, especially every time I went into the office and when a friend told me (yelled at me) I needed to stop working and take care of my health that I finally did so.

I couldn’t see how I could stop, I needed to sustain myself financially, what could I do? It was only when someone at work mentioned sick/stress leave did the idea start to form in my head. The more I voiced this to a colleague and then a boss, it seemed the right thing to do. Apparently, no one was surprised and everyone was supportive of this. It seems I had driven myself into a burnout that was a long, long time coming. This hasn’t been the first time this has happened, although I feel the stakes are much higher, this time around.

It seems it might be getting close to starting Book II of my life, whatever that turns out to be. I’ve streamlined everything in my life right now, slowly closing doors, concentrating on getting back on my feet, regrouping and then when I am done, hopefully new and exciting doors will feel free to open.

In perhaps completely unrelated news, I’ve recently, inexplicably gotten into Michael Bublé all of a sudden and can’t seem to get enough. :) I leave you with this particular uplifting favourite of mine, a song hopefully iconic of my life right now or very, very soon. So let’s see.

“Today is a good day to die.”

- Worf, Star Trek, The Next Generation

It is never really a good day to die, but today was a beautiful autumn day with just the right amount of sunlight and just the right amount of wind, and I will always remember it as such. Our dear friend Alston passed away among a circle of friends, as he wanted, just after 3pm today. I have no words to express my sorrow and that of all his friends and family. He was taken all too soon from us and he will be remembered dearly.

Alston was the sole reason I started blogging in the first place. “You know, you should really blog about that,” he would tell me countless times before I actually did start. My world expanded once I did and I am glad I heeded his words. For this and for oh so many other things. Alston, you will always be in my thoughts, and alongside my conscience, as you often were in life.

RIP, Ali, you were so fucking awesome.

(Photos by Roxanne)

As a “woman of hue”, I wonder about the allowances and hinderances I have had in my life:

Have I ever been passed over a job based on my skin tone? YES. It was a summer job at some little shop in a small town and the white girl with no experience whatsoever got it instead. Blatant. Come to think of it, I never landed a retail job in my small town, only in Montreal.

Have I ever experienced racism from other kids or adults growing up? YES. Absolutely. Often it would be the “nice” kind where I was more “exotic” than “to-be-avoided” but I did very occasionally run into ignorance from some kids: “go back to Africa/India!” I remember the mother of one close girlfriend advising her daughter, “I don’t want you going over to a black man’s house.” Might I point out that our family was a mix of Indian, Italian and Quebecois, “black” didn’t even enter into it, but there is no accounting for the ignorance of other people.

Have I ever been “congratulated” for being “modern” and “white-seeming” in my outlook and behaviour? YES. Usually by well-meaning people who don’t realize that their point of view is a racist one, albeit a benevolent one.

Have I ever been unnecessarily stopped by cops based on my skin tone? NO But I am: 1) a girl, 2) not un-attractive and 3) not very dark – I am fully aware of how all these things come into play.

Have I ever been mistaken for an illegal immigrant in my own country? YES Half the time I drive through the border to the states I am questioned. At airports, not so much. Once, when I was about 11, Quebec immigration stopped our whole family at the Vermont border, convinced that we were likely Latin Americans trying to get in illegally. They pulled us aside and strip-searched our car from the top to bottom firing off questions to us separately, trying to find out the “truth”. The woman questioning me glared at me, and asked me in English what was in my schoolbag. I took my time, looked her right back in the eye and casually said in perfect French, “Oh, sont tous mes devoirs.” Her eyes widened in shock at the fact that I was clearly a Quebecker and within the next 60 seconds we were all released without another word and well on our way back home.

Have I ever been passed over for a job or promotion at work in my current IT career based on gender or colour? NO However, I am sure I would hit the gender-biased glass ceiling very quickly were I interested in a more executive position. It is my perception that IT is more open to women and ethnics than other industries, but I could be wrong.

These days, I rarely seem to experience racism, but I am older and more able to navigate people and situations now, and not to mention, I also live in a big multi-ethnic city. The moment I leave the metropolis, I become keenly aware of my skin colour. To compensate, I simply grin wider at people and disarm them by engaging in un-accented conversation as soon as possible. Though it doesn’t always work, this tactic usually provides good results, quickly sets people at ease and before they know it the fact that I am not white becomes less of a glaring issue. It all comes down to eradicating the fear of the unknown, but I do think I have it easier as far as racism goes.

What have your experiences been? I am curious to know.

Taking some inspiration from this post I managed to (omg, finally!) finish off a book last week. Reading forty pages in one day is pretty easy, and I have so many books in my reading queue that have been neglected for so long, I think I can do this. Besides, the more you read, the faster you are able to read.

This “less TV, more book” regime coincides also with my finally having finished a web contract and a theatre run that was more or less back-to-back with another theatre run, so I finally have this thing called “more free time” which I haven’t really had since last November. I am looking forward to life at a slightly slower pace for the next while.

Oh, but I’m allowed to watch as much FIFA as I want, of course.

Let me regale you with some conversation snippets I have had:

[Observed cuddling a baby someone brought to the office]
“Oooh, look at you! You’re like a natural mother, so when are *you* going to start having babies, eh? Tick tock!!”

[Talking to a young man in his late 20's, married and with a baby]
“How do you have time for theatre, dance *and* work, you don’t have kids, do you?”
No.
“Do you want kids, ever?”
Oh, one day maybe, ha ha. (Trying to laugh it off, as it was none of his business)
“Wow, well you should really get started on that, then!”
(Oh, you think?)

[A well-meaning uncle who thought I should be made aware of the presence of my own biological clock]
“Of course, lots of people get married late in life, and they can be perfectly happy and that’s fine, but I want you to know that if you are considering having kids, you should really not delay in getting married any further.”

[Excerpt from http://winter-in-india.blogspot.com/]
I walked into the doctor’s office and a Dr. A. R. Santosh greeted me with a toothy smile. “Miss?” he guessed as he wrote down my name. Yes, I confirmed. He invariably asked my age and when I said “31″ he naturally wrote down “21″. “No, thirty-one,” I corrected him. He flashed his smile again, muttered what I hope and believe was a compliment on my youthful looks and said, “Ah, chronic bachelor?” Sigh. Ah yes, here we go again, yes I was, for now anyway, and I smiled back. We went through my symptoms and he prescribed me the appropriate ayurvedic concoctions he divined that I required. “Come and see us again next time you are in India,” he grinned Dravidianly, “but next time, married, yes?” I gave him my best “Oh, maybe”, flashed my own Aryan smile and left for the dispensary counter, mostly convinced he wasn’t a quack.

[After one restful night at a beach hotel in Thailand]
“Come back agai’, but not alone. Nex’ tai’, you come with husban’, okay?!”

I realize it comes down to people being uncomfortable when faced with a woman who seems to function just fine on her own, regardless of her choices or situation. Even if she is not fine, is it any of their business? So now I pointedly answer such questions with “No, I don’t have children,” “Yes, I am single,” with a smile and a firm period at the end of my sentence.

It makes me chuckle to think of that old stereotype that bloggers are a pasty, nerdy lot; introverted social rejects hunched over their computers in dim basement lighting, exposing their innermost thoughts and fantasies on the dangerous internets because the real world is too much for them . If you haven’t yet, watch this interview (in french) with YULbloggeuse Martine on Bazzo.tv, where she holds her own, especially against some of the other guests who reveal their incredible fear that the internets will steal their privacy (a.k.a. soul?).

Happy 10 years of YULblogging! Looking forward to seeing everyone at the big party this Friday. :)

[Edina and Patsy are looking at the pornographic magazine 'Razzle,' that Saffy found in her brother's room]

Saffron: It’s disgusting! That is so degrading to women!

Patsy: What do you mean? She’s got the whip!

- Absolutely Fabulous

If you are a resident of Montreal, you might have seen this advertisement (click to enbiggen) in the metros:

Quite often, this publicity is covered with all manner of graffiti either with degrading text and crude drawings or with angry scrawls denouncing the sexism of the photograph.

A friend recently asked me if it was even possible for a lingerie company to advertise its goods without resorting to sexism. I pondered this issue. Surely the solution could not be to simply not advertise at all.

Looking at the picture, I’d say that the lingerie itself is quite nice, and the pose is nothing terribly offensive, but if you take a close look at her expression; her mouth is slightly open and her eyes are half lidded. It seems to put across an idea of  “I’m not terribly aware of what’s going on right now, maybe it’s a good time to take advantage of me.”

Then I came across this ad for a sex shop, which includes their lingerie line:

This woman is in sexy lingerie in a sexy pose, she is being feminine and alluring without resorting to dominatrix-ism in an effort to remain empowered.

Her eyes are intelligent and inviting, and I find nothing offensive in this sexual portrayal. You imagine she might be saying: “Hey there tiger, I have some hot ideas about what I’d like to do to you and have done to me, how about it?”

It’s interesting to note that I have yet to find this ad covered in graffiti.

So yes, I’d say it is possible to advertise “sexy” without sexism.

Thoughts?

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Notice how I am starting this *before* the holidays, so that these new flexi-rules will completely cover the holiday shopping as well. Firstly, I moved around some holdings and brought my visa down to zero. Like actual zero. then I immediately set up a regular automatic payment to go out to lessen my small but irritating line of credit debt. Even if I do nothing else in life, it will go down a chunk every two weeks, so I will have that uplifting feeling of positive progress.

I already give myself a weekly stipend to spend on groceries, lunches, dinners, clothing and anything else. Much of the time I stick to it, but sometimes I see something I really like and want and go over budget completely.

This past year I made less than normal at my job, as I took time off to do artsy things, so money should have been little tighter, when actually, it didn’t seem to make a whit of difference. I used to be much more frugal at point in one time, and rarely carried a balance on anything. In the past few years, that has been far from the truth. I don’t generally rack up ridiculous charges, but I have always had this annoying balance/burden constantly being carried from month to month to year.

So what are these new flexi-rules, you might ask? They are simply guidelines (which I am more likely to heed) and not rock-solid rules and they come in the form of pre-purchase questions and they are as follows:

1. is it a charitable act?
2. is it so brilliant-amazing that I want to get it on with it?
3. in the case of fashion, would I want to get it on with myself wearing it?
4. in the case of credit card usage, would it make me look long at my monthly statement and proudly exclaim: “Ah, now *that* was a brilliant purchase!”

I am also fully authorized to use my credit card for pre-paid bills (I have a points card).

Special Christmas flexi-rule:

1. presents for nuclear family only
2. gifts must be either homemade, recycled, and if possible found around the house
3. chocolates are the obvious exception

I have a big bag aptly named the “christmas bag” into which I’ve been slowly placing items I keep finding about the house, and it’s not cheapo stuff either. For example, I’ve found books that are really good but that I won’t read again, body lotion I haven’t yet opened, a purse, lanterns from Thailand I have been intending to use and have simply never found a place for (and likely never will), and a shrink-wrapped still-unopened box set of Rome, season 1! Now, the only new purchase I’ll probably make for gifts is chocolate, because that should *never* be recycled.

So you see, it’s not about “not spending” but “spending smarter”. Giving oneself the freedom to spend, just in a different way with certain constraints that feel good as opposed to constantly tight. It’s about decreasing debt while at the same time increasing abundance. Next step is to continue to declutter the house.

So, is it actually working, you ask? Well, so far, I’ve been spending less than my weekly stipend, and my visa bill this month is a whopping $182, which includes phone bills, flowers delivered to a friend, money towards a friend’s Movember stache and my renewal for my Flickr pro account. Booyah.