Sup witchew?

I’ve been thinking of new ways on how to respond to a certain question, especially from old friends I reconnect with through Facebook. That question being the expected “And what’s up with you?”

Inevitably one runs down The List of those traditional trappings: married, bought a house, have a kid, have a second kid, settled into a steady career, etc., etc., etc. After perhaps receiving such an update from a friend, I often feel the need to respond in kind to the same list, except that my list is not as complete: “No, not yet married… don’t have kids yet, no…” I might toggle with feelings of inadequacy, and then stumble along to find compensators for those missing items. “Oh but I’m also doing this,… and I’m involved with that… so you see how my life is still complete? You see how I make up for not meeting all the items on The List? You see??”

Perhaps, instead of using the words “No, not yet…” or “No, but…” it should simply be, “No, actually.” No justification required. But then one runs the risk of being regarded as one of those anti-marriage and anti-kid people which I certainly am not. Ah well.

Interestingly, not too long ago I was in a group where each person in turn expressed their personal goals for 10 years from now. I thought of what I would say and by the time it got to my turn I confidently replied, “In 10 years I will be an established dancer, choreographer and perhaps teacher on the local and international front, and I will do it bringing my own twist, whatever that may be.” The girl after me mentioned she wanted to be married with kids and I mentally slapped myself on the forehead: Doh! Shit, I wanted those things too, of course! How could I forget?

This made me think; maybe that’s not how it will play out, maybe I don’t want those things as badly as I think, maybe I don’t now but will want them again later on. Still, it was nice to see that I have other goals that are just as important and valid to me as the traditional ones. Sans guilt and sans excuses.