You know, I’m downright annoyed. I’m going to say it: the single men in this city, in terms of gumption are for the most part pathetic. Though of course there are a few exceptions, I have to say, I am largely unimpressed. There are apparently many attractive, interesting, intelligent and available menfolk around, but I wouldn’t know. They simply don’t show themselves and prefer to remain camouflaged. The ones that do show themselves are simply uninterested in me or are lightly psychotic creeps.
Rather than waiting for men to approach me, I will often approach them. This usually results in a complete backfire, where I simply end up scaring the poor guy away, and I think “Christ, it’s like being in grade 6 again!” I flirted with a man a couple months back, and he was quite willing to flirt openly while ordering coffees, but when I ran into him another time and suggested he call me sometime, supplying him with my number, he was happy to take it but never quite followed up. I have found that most Montreal Menfolk are quick to smile and flirt from a distance, which I return encouragingly, but so few follow through. Oh well, I shrug. They weed themselves out too easily, I tell myself. It’s maddening, I tell you.
Meanwhile, it’s always open season for the creepoids. Creeps have nothing to lose it seems, so they approach full-on. Over the last few weeks I’ve given a terse and firm “no” to a profusely sweating creep who insisted I go to lunch with him. I have been cold to another who googled me and now phone-stalks me at home – “Yes, I AM busy, goodbye.” I gave dark, disapproving looks to an older “gentle”man I knew (not at all) from yoga class who thought it appropriate to swish my hair seductively and smile in what he must imagine is a charming “Look what I think I can get away with” smile. Not to mention the pointless drive-by shoutings of “Ey-hey belle fille!!” or the Heckling Homies in the park: “What up sexaaay??! Nice dress!!” I’m sure if I approached them pointedly on their park bench where they cluster together in safety, they’d have no answer.
There is a reason why the majority of my boyfriends and lovers have all been out-of-province and international imports. Very few have been home-grown, and generally, Montreal men are not known for their forthrightness. Not by me, anyway. Granted there have been a couple of exceptions, but those were… well, exceptional men (one of them unfortunately an exceptional asshole – hey, win some, lose some). I am not the first to make this observation.
Where are these interested, interesting, available and well-balanced men? Do they exist? Maybe they need a call-to-arms. Perhaps I give out the wrong vibe, perhaps I have too many male friends who can be mistaken for boyfriend or lover.
Well, regardless, what’s it take to get a damned date in this city? Honestly. Honestly.
I feel your pain.
What can I say, all of us “good ones” are married ;-)
Yeah, umm, well. All of my relationships except 1 started with her getting blatantly obvious. Honestly – I have *zero* sense of attraction. Those few subtle or not so subtle attempts to promote the cause have all been ignored.
For me the hard part is finding a space where people are receptive to the idea of new encounters.
If YOU, Zura, can’t get a date in this city, then I’m really glad I’m not single.
you can date moi!
Single men have been asked about this. Many of the women in this city (although I think the ones referred to are the middle Crescent street types of silliness) have no problem viciously cutting down any guy that doesn’t immediately conform to some preset ideal. I’m talking about open laughter and ridicule. In addition to this, the guys are looking in the wrong places for the wrong women. It’s no wonder they are gunshy.
Nope, all us good ones aren’t all married. :)
We are such fragile and compicated creatures… lol! ;-p
vila: Thanks :)
andre: Oh *thanks*! (some sarcasm)
pacanukeha: It still doesn’t solve the problem of those who run away when they are bludgeoned with the obvious.
martine: J’te jure!
umlaut: What, *again*? ;)
alston: They seriously need to recalibrate their mating sensors if they’re only chasing “Crescent” types. Gosh… open laughter and ridicule? That’s a bit rude, isn’t it? But honestly, the longer these good men are gunshy, the longer the undesirable psychos will hit on nice women thus further sullying the reputation of your entire sex.
lee: Ahah… (looks smugly back at andre)
chris: Feh :)
don’t worry, I’ve got an 80% “return rate” on top of having trouble just finding good dates (love dates, any kind)…Every serious relationship I’ve had has ended with the guy’s next gal being the one he marries or is the “true” love! Geez I feel like I’m a prophet leading the blind :-)
You do hang out with a lot of guy friends. I confess that I’ve never been able to tell who your boyfriend was or if you were available or single.
Maybe that explains a small part of it.
If you want to find straight-forwardness, you will most likely find it south of the border. You would think men hailing from a land that makes beaver its emblem would go for the goods with gusto – but, alas, no.
Seriously, the only bush the U.S. has ever beaten around historically, is Bush. Americans, broadly speaking, tend to be admirably direct in national temperment – which is why I think I’d fit in perfectly there! I have never had patience for reticence or stupid games – especially where relating is concerned, and I agree with you that there is indeed an over-abundance of this in the native stock of males. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels that way!
As for vibes, while I don’t believe we should change ourselves just to please others, it always helps to pay attention to the signals you might be giving to the men you’d like to pursue. It’s surprising sometimes, how we fail to communicate warmth, or interest, even if we think we are doing so…
Great subject matter.
Y’know, before J – I had almost the same experiences as you (creepazoids aside).
The dating game in Montreal is hellaconfusing for most normal guys… Once I didcovered that there are in fact people out there who ARE actually interested in, well, meeting people and getting to know them MORE than playing a game which has the emotional depth of a puddle, all faith was renewed. But there was a LOT of superficial nonsense to sift through.
That, and most Montreal men appear to be intimidated or threatened by strong, confident women. I’m guessing you fit that mould…
Bonne chance!
You are right Procrasto, men might be afraid by a women who hides a sword behind her back. :)
I lived in Montreal for two years and the only dates I got (all three of them) were with men that I asked out myself–the ones that didn’t run away with their tails between their legs. I’d never had a problem elsewhere. So I left. At least you can be sure that it is not just you.
You see, Monica, I have actually thought about leaving Montreal for this actual reason. I haven’t been able to bring myself to do that, yet. Also, I love it here, otherwise and it’s my home. But still… thoughts of moving still linger.
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